Ever heard of a man suffering from breast envy? Of course you have. New dads watch their babies nurse and see the amazing, mystical bond that develops between babe at breast and woman providing breast. Some new dads, therefore, jump at the chance to bottle-feed their little ones, to try to capture some of that intimacy. My husband mostly just got to beat our children on the back waiting for them to burp.
Although male lactation is possible (just search for it!), I am here to tell you that even without milk coming out of your nipples, you play a key role in your baby's nursing relationship to mom. I'm not just patting dads on the head with a "There, there, sweetie. You can burp the baby!" I'm telling you that without my husband's support, I could not have nursed my daughter for 15 months and my son for 21 months (and counting).
I knew I wanted to breastfeed my children and I had support before they were born. My mother nursed all four of her children and was active with La Leche League during the height of formula-pushing. I read, from cover to cover, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. That was the best book I read during pregnancy - not any of those silly books that talk about how great sex is during your second trimester or how vivid your dreams are. A book about breastfeeding (see also Martha and William Sears' The Breastfeeding Book) provides so much information that you will need on day one of motherhood. There will not be time to read this once the baby is in your arms, so use that afternoon couch time to learn what you can expect.
Yes, breastfeeding is natural and, Yes, it has been done for thousands of years. But how many times have YOU done it?? The book offered me the knowledge that there may be problems, or special circumstances that can interrupt nursing. With this knowledge tucked away in my new mommy brain, I felt mostly sure that my daughter and I would succeed. When problems arose (like copious, projectile vomit), I knew that there would be something in the book that would help me. When my breasts got so big that even my husband thought they must hurt, and the baby was sleeping for more than 30 minutes for the first time in 2 months so there was no hope of nursing her, I knew I could turn to the book for suggestions (a long, hot shower did the trick). Knowing that other people had tried, failed, tried again (and sometimes again) and succeeded, and that they had shared their advice in this one book, was a big help.
More important than any book in the world, however, I had my husband. He knew the benefits of breastfeeding (either he read the book himself or I read aloud to him). He knew that there was no better option that a healthy mom had to feed her healthy baby. He knew that my breasts wouldn't always be the domain of our children (and he could eventually reclaim them). And with this knowledge, he graciously brought me a pillow for nursing, a blanket to cover us both, a glass of water for the always-dehydrated nursing mom, and always a kiss. He enjoyed watching baby bond with mother. And every time he helped me nurse our children, our bond as husband and wife strengthened, and our bond as a family strengthened.
Dads, please educate yourselves about breastfeeding. Your wife will be too overwhelmed and too exhausted. Everywhere she turns, someone will be telling her that the formula made today is "just as good" or worse (from the mouth of a friend's ex-pediatrician) "superior to breastmilk." Mom will see ads everywhere that show a happy, well-rested mom bottle-feeding her baby. She won't see statistics on breastfed babies with lower incidences of food allergies, asthma, intestinal problems, even higher test scores. Those statistics are buried under a big, fat bottle filled with formula.
We need you dads. The human race did not get this far on Nestle's formula. We got here "on the boob." And we need your help to protect our right to use our boobs. Because behind every successful breastfeeding mom is a patient, supportive breastfeeding dad.
When books aren't enough:
Finding a local chapter of La Leche League International can bring you face-to-face with moms who have been through difficulties and nursed their way out of them. They can also give recommendations for lactation consultants (most leaders of LLL chapters are certified lactation consultants).
If you had a doula or midwife present at your birth, they can usually help after birth with breastfeeding questions.
If you have serious concerns about you and your baby's ability to breastfeed, look for a lactation consultant who will come to your home with a hospital scale.
To read more about, and use, the breastfeeding symbol (used at top of page), and breastfeeding in general, see Mothering Magazine at www.mothering.com
